I don't think we ever really stop searching. Sort of the spiritual grass-is-always-greener thing. There's no harm in researching. Follow your heart. It may well confirm you existing feelings...what a bonus!
Bright Blessings,

If it helps any I know how you feel. I often struggle myself despite the strength of my beliefs and my security in my spirituality. I think it's the age old question of "What If?" constantly popping up. Don't worry dear Merle...you will come through this and undoubtedly be stronger for it.

Much love,
Ari

oh sweet friend, I do understand. I believe it's from from having to be under the intense scrutiny of the church for so long, as you were and I don't think the struggle would be so intense if there had not been the influence of the church. But rest easy and know that it does ease up and as the adage goes..."time heals all". It truly will lighten your heart and one day you'll remember back to this struggle as a small fleck of a memory, nothing more.
so much love to you dear one

I hear you loud and clear sista! One thing about me is that no one really knows what path I am on now except for hubby and the dog. Oh, and the people over at the library across the street (lol). I still get saint medals and stuff like that. But I keep it and even display it. I never had a point where I was like, "I hate the Catholic Church" or Christianity or any drama like that. So don't steal this from me, 'k, but I am not going to throw away the Baby Jesus out with the bathwater! I don't feel any longer that he is my "lord and saviour"; after all, what did I do that requires my salvation? I hardly think I did anything THAT bad ;) lol But I do value the true original teachings of Christianity. I started to read Deepak Chopra's new book, The Third Jesus. (I didn't finish it, tho') It is very interesting. it is more about how Jesus was an enlightened person who truly knew "God" ('cause homeboy is still going the patriarchal route in this book!). I tend to agree with him. I feel like Jesus is my brother and he is the son of God and Goddess, just like me, you , and everyone else. That's my last two cents.

Searching and seeking never stop in my opinion. At least not in the sense of seeking within your path. While I never search outside of Paganism I still search for truth. There is always more to learn, new practices you'll come by, others you'll outgrow. And for the record, if it makes you feel better, I am not religious. I don't need religion but I am spiritual. Let's define them and really look at the words.

re·li·gion

1.
1. Belief in and reverence for a supernatural power or powers regarded as creator and governor of the universe.
2. A personal or institutionalized system grounded in such belief and worship.
2. The life or condition of a person in a religious order.
3. A set of beliefs, values, and practices based on the teachings of a spiritual leader.
4. A cause, principle, or activity pursued with zeal or conscientious devotion.

spir·i·tu·al

1. Of, relating to, consisting of, or having the nature of spirit; not tangible or material. See synonyms at immaterial.
2. Of, concerned with, or affecting the soul.
3. Of, from, or relating to God; deific.
4. Of or belonging to a church or religion; sacred.
5. Relating to or having the nature of spirits or a spirit; supernatural.

For me I think of religion more as following an established method to connect with the spiritual. If you do your own thing you are spiritual and not religious.

At least that is my take on it. Much love to you. Blessed dreams.